Undisciplined | Part 4 | Out of Control Words
We’re there in James 3. And of course on Sunday nights we’ve been going through this series called “Undisciplined” and we’ve been learning to live a life of discipline. We started this series with a sermon on the subject of laziness. Then we talked about tardiness. And last time that we were in this series, we talked about cleanliness. Tonight I’m preaching on the subject of out-of-control words. When it comes to living a disciplined life or being undisciplined an area that people are often undisciplined in, God gives us an entire chapter about it in James 3. What I’m going to teach and preach to you from James chapter 3 is not new. You’ve heard it from me before. Philippians 3:1 says “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe.”. It’s good for you to hear this again. It’s good for me to hear it again on this idea of controlling our words. We’re going to see here in this chapter how the control of our words has a lot to do with the control of our body and discipline of our body.
James 3:1-18 deals with this idea of our words. Notice he begins the chapter with a warning to those who lead. James 3:1 “My brethren, be not many masters,…”. The word master there is a reference to a leader or someone in charge. He says be not many masters. Now of course we need a lot of leaders. So what does he mean by this? I believe he’s specifically talking here to those in spiritual leadership or spiritual authority. James 3:1 “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.”. James here is speaking as a leader. He a Pastor of a Church and he says you may not want to be a master. You may not want to be a leader with spiritual authority. Why is that? He says you will receive the greater condemnation. I believe that everything rises and falls on leadership. Leadership is held to a greater standard, greater condemnation, greater accountability.
James 3:2 “2 For in many things we offend all….”. Here’s why you might want to be careful. Now remember the purpose of this passage is all about our words, our tongue. He says you may not want to be a Pastor; you may not want to be a Preacher; you may not want to be someone that stands up and speaks in front of people for a living. You say why? He says because we will receive the greater condemnation. He says for many things we offend all. The word “offend” means to upset or to cause someone to be resentful. And he says when you are a preacher, we tend to offend people. “2 For in many things we offend all….”.
The truth of the matter is that this is absolutely the case. Here in September, my wife and I will be celebrating 11 years in the Ministry. For the last 11 years I’ve stood up and preached three times a week, about 1 hour average per sermon. The truth is that you cannot get up and speak for three hours on average a week, 12 months a year, for 11 years and not offend somebody and not say something that’s offensive and that’s rude. I’m not just talking about preaching the word of God. Obviously, the Word of God offends people. But I’ll just be honest with you. Over the last 11 years of ministry, there have been things that I’ve said that I regretted saying. There have been things that I said, even things that were true but they could have been expressed better.
What I would say to you is to put yourself in the preacher’s shoes before you get too mad. People will criticize you because you said Job instead of Jonah. Or maybe you preach something and misspeak. If you got up and spoke for three hours a week for 11 years then we’d probably find a lot of stupid things you said and things you could have said better and things that you should not have said. In verse 2 he says “2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word,..”. We’re all going to offend. If you get up and preach three times a week for years and years and years, you’re going to say things that maybe you shouldn’t have said or could have said better or whatever.
James 3:1 “2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”. The word “perfect” means that they are complete. They are mature. They are whole. They’re mature in their Christian walk. When somebody is able to disagree with somebody and do it in a way that is not offensive or rude or arrogant, that is a mature individual. When people get down to the place where they are hostile and angry, that is immaturity. James 3:1 “2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”. See, he’s speaking about this idea of controlling our words or controlling our tongue.
He gives us three ideas in this passage and I’m going to break it down for you. Number 1, our words are something that we should control. Our words are something that we should attempt or have a goal of bringing it into control. Here’s what he says, if you can control your tongue then you can control everything else in your life. The hardest thing for you to control is your tongue. And if you can learn to control your tongue then you won’t have a problem with a sermon on finances. You won’t have a problem with a sermon on tardiness. You won’t have a problem with a sermon on gluttony. You won’t have a problem with a sermon on time management. You won’t have a problem with a sermon on laziness. Because he says the hardest thing to control in your life is your tongue. And he says that if you can learn to control your tongue then you can control the rest of your body and the rest of your life.
Notice in verse 2 “2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”. The word bridle is a term used when it comes to horses or horseback riding. And a bride is the headgear used to bring a horse under control. He says the same is a perfect man. The man that can offend not in words is able to bridle the whole body. The Apostle Paul is using this illustration of a horse and he’s saying it’s interesting how we control the entire body of a horse by taking control of the horse’s mouth. He says when we can learn to take control of our mouths, we can learn to take control of our lives.
James 1:26 “26 If any man among you seem to be religious,…”. He says if somebody looks like they’re really religious “and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.”. He says that when somebody is unable to bridle their tongue, unable to control their tongue, they may be religious but they aren’t mature. It says that this man’s religion is vain. It’s empty. It’s without substance. Why? Because religion in our life ought to affect how we deal with and treat people. And the biggest way we deal with and treat people is with our tongues.
Go back to James 3. Notice the illustration of the horse that he gives. “3 Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.”. He says that by putting a bit in the horse’s mouth, it gives us the ability to control the entire body of the horse. He gives this example and then he gives another example in verse four. He says “4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm,…”. He says you can have this big ship and have this small helm and have this small piece of the helm control and turn about this entire ship. Then notice the last part of verse 4 “…whithersoever the governor listeth.”. The governor is the person in charge. The word “listeth” means as they please or as they desire. He says he can control his entire ship by controlling just a very small helm. You can control this strong, potentially dangerous animal called a horse if you get control of its mouth. He says that if you can control your tongue then you can control everything.
James 1:19 “19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”. So what does it mean to be in control of your words? Well, here’s what it means. It means that the words that come out of your mouth are words that you allowed out of your mouth. There isn’t this idea of you saying something and then you immediately regret it or you say you were just angry or out of control.
Proverbs 10:19 “19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin:…”. The word “want” or “wanting” means lacking something. It means to desire something and have it lacking. He says “19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin:…”. Here’s what that means. When you have somebody saying a lot of things, they are probably going to say something that they shouldn’t or say something that is sinful. “19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.”. What does it mean to refrain? It means to control. It means to stop. It means to stop oneself. The same idea as a bit in the horse’s mouth where we can restrain it, we can stop him from doing what we want him to do. What the Bible is teaching is that when you are able to restrain these words from coming out of your mouth, you are religious.
If you’ve read the Book of Proverbs then you know this is a common theme in Proverbs. Look at Proverbs 17:27. “27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words:…”. The word spare means to stop, to not put in use. Look, do you realize that you don’t have to say everything you think. You don’t have to give every opinion you have. You don’t have to express all of your feelings to everyone. You say “Well, I just have to tell people how I feel.”. No you don’t. “If I don’t say something then I am a hypocrite.”. Keeping your mouth shut doesn’t make you a hypocrite. Nothing in the Bible says that you must make every opinion known and everything must be put out there. “27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.”. Look at verse 28 “28 Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”. Even a fool is considered wise by people when he shuts his mouth.
Proverbs 21:23 “23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”. The more we keep our mouth, the more we guard our mouth, the more we control our mouth, we keep our soul from trouble. Proverbs 29:20 “20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.”. This issue of your tongue will permeate into every area of your life. It can hurt your marriage. It can hurt your child rearing. It can hurt your career. It can hurt your Church life and your family life. It can hurt your extended family life. Look, any area of your life can be affected by this idea of the tongue. And oftentimes we try to help individuals with these things. And the question that often pops in my head and that sometimes I ask is “Why did you have to say that? Why did you have to ask that question? Why did you have to make that comment? Why did you need to post that statement on social media?”. Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words, there is more hope of a fool than of him.
James is teaching us about out of control words and how to control speech and how to control our tongues. And he says we should control our words. We should learn to control our words. You say why? Because if you can control your tongue, you can control the rest of your life. You can control your body. Just like if you can control the mouth of a horse then you can control the entire horse. This is what we need to understand. We can only control our own tongues.
James 3:7 “7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:”. Human beings have learned to tame every type of beast, birds and serpents and things in the sea. I mean we have learned to capture them. We have learned to restrain them. We have learned to put them out for display. We have learned to teach them how to dance and we’ve learned to teach them how to do shows. You can go anywhere in this world and find horses and lions and elephants and whales dancing and doing tricks.
Then in verse 8 he says “8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”. He says the only thing that man cannot tame is his tongue. Now with God we can do anything but without God that is impossible. We can do everything through God. We can learn to be mature and to grow and to control our tongue. But James begins this idea here of controlling your words and out of control words and explains that it comes down to discipline. He says when you learn to control your words, you can learn to control your body and emotions. We’ll talk about that next week.
But James makes another statement and I’d like you to write this down. Not only should we control our words but we should also be cautious with our words. See, the truth of the matter is this, there is great power in your words. James 3:5 “5 Even so the tongue is a little member,”. He just got done telling us that you can control this massive beast by just controlling its mouth. He says you can control this huge ship with a small helm. Our tongues are very small compared to the rest of our body. The Bible says “5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!”. Our tongues are so small yet they make really large claims and boasts. Then he uses an illustration that we should be familiar with living in Northern California. He says it doesn’t take a lot. It just takes a little fire or spark to cause a big fire. That’s what your tongue is like. That’s what my tongue is like.
Verse 6 “6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.”. It is the tongue that has brought wars. It is the tongue that has brought divorce. It is the tongue that has broken families. It is the tongue that has broken relationships. Verse 7 “7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”. The tongue doesn’t want to be tamed or controlled. James is saying that we must learn to control our tongues. We must learn to be cautious with our tongues. You say why? Because the tongue is very dangerous. It’s a little member but how great of a fire it kindleth.
If there’s one thing I teach a lot about, it is probably relationships, maturity, parenting, marriage and all those things when it comes to relationships. If I could just snap my finger and do 1 thing and change people in 1 area, I would get them to be willing to put in the work to actually control their words. Why? Because it would change everything. You say why? Here’s why. Because your tongue is powerful. There is great power in your words. You can destroy or build up with your words. Proverbs 12:18 “18 There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword:…”. Think about that for a minute mom. Is that how you want your kids to think of you? Dads, is that how you want your kids to think of you? When you open your mouth, it is like a sword piercing you. Is this how you want your wife or husband to think of you? When you speak, you pierce them. He says “18 There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.”.
Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”. You know that your words can either destroy or build up. It can stop the fire or create a bigger fire. Proverbs 16:24 “24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”. The words that you speak can either be a like a sword destroying or as sweet as a honeycomb. “sweet to the soul and health to the bones”. Which one are you? Which one do you want to be? Proverbs 18:21 “21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue:…”. I mean think about that statement. Your tongue has the power to breathe life into your wife, your husband, your children. Your tongue also has the power to cause death to those around you. “21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”.
See, we must be very cautious with our words because our words are powerful. Our words hold a lot of power. The words of everybody are important but let me just speak to you dads for a minute. I know this is true because the Bible teaches it but also because this has been studied and researched quite a bit. The words of a father to their children are very heavy. They’re very important. I don’t understand why that’s so. There’s something about the position of a father and the words of a father that can be very heavy upon our children. Death and life are in the tongue or the in the power of the tongue and we must be careful. Not just fathers should be careful but those that are in positions of influence should be extra cautious. Our words can bring much destruction or much healing.
James says we should control our words. He says if you can control your tongue then you can control everything else. And then he reminds us that we can only control our tongues through God, through the yielding of the Holy Spirit. It is in your flesh that your tongue gets out of control. It is in your flesh that you say things that you regret. It is in your flesh that we play this game where we hurt people and they hurt us back. We think that they said something mean to us so I will say something even worse to them. The sad thing is that oftentimes marriages play this game where they’re trying to outdo each other with saying mean, hurtful or nasty things. Just remember that you are in your flesh. It’s not of God. We should control our words. He says that we should be cautious with our words. Why? Because there’s great power in our words. Our words can destroy or they can build up. They can bring death or they can bring healing.
Then James says that we should be consistent with our words. Not only should we control them, not only should we be cautious with them, but he says that we should be consistent with them.
James 3:9 “9 Therewith”. This is in reference to our tongues. “Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.”. James says it’s interesting how on a Sunday morning we use our tongue to say “Hey brother. God bless you.”. And then we use that same tongue to yell at our spouses and say rude and hurtful things. The Bible says “9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.”. Why should we make sure to treat our children, our spouses and fellow church members well?”. Because God created them. They are made in the image of God, in the similitude of God.
Verse 10 “10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”. The Bible is saying that it’s not right. We use the same tongue to bless God and curse men. Then he gives us an illustration from nature. Verse 11 “11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?”. Can you find a fountain in nature that produces both salt and fresh water? You don’t see these things intermixing. Either the ocean is filled with salt water and the lake is filled with fresh water but they’re not from the same source of water producing sweet & bitter or salt & fresh.
He says “12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.”. He says you don’t find a plant that is producing different types of things. He says no fountain can both yield salt water and fresh. And the idea that he’s saying is that our tongues should not be the source of both blessings and cursing. He says that you don’t find a spring or fountain producing sweet water & bitter, salt water & fresh. He says that your tongue and my tongue should be the same way. It should not be the source of blessings one day and then cursing the next day. He says that we should control our tongues in such a way that only blessings come out, that only that which is good comes out, that only that which is right comes out.
Colossians 3:8 “8 But now ye also put off all these;”. He’s going to say these are things that we should not have in our lives as Christians. We should not have these things characterize our lives or be a habit of our lives as Christians. We understand that from time to time, we’re all going to get angry and we’re all going to say things and do things we shouldn’t do. But he says these should not be things that we’re known for. He says put these things off. Notice he says “8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.”. He says there are some things that shouldn’t come out of your mouth. They should never come out of your mouth. You say what kinds of things? Here’s a good rule of thumb. If you wouldn’t say it in front of your mother, you shouldn’t say it. If you wouldn’t say it in front of your Pastor, you shouldn’t say it.
Unfortunately for my wife and I, one of the detriments of being a Pastor and a Pastor’s wife is that you never actually get to know the people you Pastor. Everybody always puts on a show in front of the Pastor and the Pastor’s wife. One of these days I’m going to come to a Red-Hot Preaching Conference disguised like somebody else and I’m going to take you guys all out to dinner and I’m going to get to know who you really are. Because everybody always puts on the best act, the best show in front of the Pastor and in front of the Pastor’s wife. It’s funny how all the couples get along really well in front of the Pastor and the Pastor’s wife and all the children are very well behaved in front of the Pastor and the Pastor’s wife and all the dads are the greatest dads in front of the Pastor and the Pastor’s wife and all the moms are the greatest moms in front of the Pastor and the Pastor’s life. Well let me just say something to you. If that’s how you act in front of the Pastor and in front of the Pastor’s wife, just act like that all the time. Just be nice to each other all the time. Don’t let it be a show. Just be real. Just do it. Because our tongues should not be the source of hypocrisy.
You drive to Church yelling at each other, cussing at each other, and then you walk into Church and say “God Bless You”. That’s hypocrisy. Our tongues should be consistent. Our tongue should be the source of blessing. You should be real all the time. It doesn’t matter who is watching. Let me let you in on a little secret. For those of you who care so much about the Pastor and Pastor’s wife, we aren’t God. God is the one watching you 24/7. The Bible says that the eyes of the lord are on every place beholding the evil and the good. So with our words we should be consistent. We should only allow blessings to come out of our mouths. We should put away filthy communication out of our mouths.
Colossians 4:6 “6 Let your speech be always with grace,…”. The word grace means unmerited favor. It means you’re getting something you don’t deserve. It literally means you’re getting something you did not earn or you did not pay for. It means free. That’s what the word grace means. It’s important to us because we often use it in the context of salvation. “for by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God, not of works lest any man should boast.”. What does that mean? It means that when I got saved, I didn’t earn it. I didn’t pay for it. I didn’t deserve it. I got it by grace or unmerited favor. It resembles mercy in the opposite way. Mercy is when I don’t get what I do deserve. I deserve to be punished and I don’t get punished. That’s mercy. Grace is when I do get what I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve heaven but I get it.
Colossians 4:6 “6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”. That word that is often used in a theological salvation context of getting something you don’t deserve. That word grace, and he says that’s how your speech should be to other people, “6 Let your speech be always with grace,…”. You say “They don’t deserve for me to be nice. They don’t deserve for me to be kind. They deserve for me to make them feel like garbage.”. All of that may be true but the truth is this, you didn’t deserve heaven. You deserved hell. You deserve to die and go to hell as a result of your sin. God gave you something you didn’t deserve. He gave you unmerited favor. And God says we should give that same grace to others through our speech.
“6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt,…”. This shows that we must be preaching the gospel or we can’t say that our speech is always with grace. Salt is something you use on food in order to make it taste good, make it get some flavor. He says your speech should be graceful and it should be tasteful. “6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”.
We’re talking about controlling our words. We should control our words. Why? Because our words hold a lot of power. And when we can control our words, we can control everything else. But we have to realize that we can only control our words through God. We should be cautious with our words. Why? Because there’s great power in our words. Our words can destroy or build up. Our words can bring death or life. Our words can cause people to feel like they are being attacked or they can cause them to feel like they are being given health. And they said we should be consistent with our words. Our words should not be the source of both blessings and cursing. How can we control our tongues, be cautious with our tongues and be consistent with our tongues?
By way of conclusion, let me give you three rules in regards to your speech. These are rules that I’ve taught you over the years and it’s good for you to be reminded of them. “To write the same thing to you to me indeed is not grievous but for you it is safe.”. It’s good for us to be reminded of these things. You say what are they? Ephesians 4:29 “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,”. By the way, some of you need to memorize that. “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”. In this passage, we find these three questions that we should ask. 3 questions that we should ask ourselves. You say how can I be cautious with my words? How can I control my words? How can I be consistent with my words? How can I learn to tame my tongue? Here is the thing, this is something we can do with God’s help.
3 questions we should ask before we say something. And all of these you must answer in the affirmative if you will actually say what you are thinking of. Number 1, is it true? Notice he says “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,”. Corrupt means with error or dishonesty. It means it’s gone bad. It’s not right. The Bible says we should not allow corrupt communication to proceed out of our mouths. We should ask ourselves if it is true before we speak. This will often stop us from spreading gossip. You say, “I have this rumor I heard.”. Well the problem is that you don’t know if that is true. The Bible says let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth. Obviously as humans we make mistakes and maybe not all of the details are perfect but we should attempt to control our tongues and be cautious with our tongues and be consistent with our tongues. And we can do that by asking this question, is it true? Is what I’m going to say correct. “let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth”.
Then here’s the second question. Is it kind? Notice at the last part of verse 29 “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”. See, we should not allow words to come out of our mouths that are corrupt. And when they do come out of our mouths, they should minister grace. So you have to ask yourself, is it true? Is it kind? See, we often as Fundamental Baptists get this idea that as long as you are telling the truth, you are allowed to be a jerk. Paul talked about giving the truth in love. Preaching the truth in love. He said “Am I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?”. Look, if people are going to get mad at you and get offended then let them get mad at you because you told them the truth but don’t let them get mad at you because of how you told them the truth. People think that others are mad at us because of our position but it is often our disposition.
So you have to ask yourself, is it true? Ask yourself, is it kind? Maybe it’s not what they want to hear and sometimes “faithful are the wounds of a friend.”. The Bible says that sometimes we as friends and sometimes I as a Pastor have to tell people things they don’t want to hear. At the same time though, if we have to give people difficult truths, we can try to say it in a kind way. We can try to speak the truth in love.
Here’s a third question, is it necessary? “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”. Notice the middle part of that verse where it says “but that which is good to the use of edifying”. Is what I’m going to say going to build them up? Is it going to edify? Edify means to build up. Is it going to build them up? Is it going to be helpful? Or is it going to hurt them? Is there a purpose for what I’m saying? Do I need to say this? Is it necessary?
See, before you speak, before I speak, we should put a bit in our mouth. You say what’s that? It’s these 3 questions. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? You say “Pastor, I understand what you’re saying. What I said was true.”. But is it true and kind and necessary? You say “Well it wasn’t necessary but it was true.”. If it wasn’t necessary then don’t say it. You say “I felt like they needed it.”. Well you shouldn’t say it. You say, “I said it but I’m not sure if it’s true.”. That’s what all the gossips say. You need to answer all 3 of these questions in the affirmative. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? By the way, if you ever feel the need to apologize, you have to ask yourself these 3 same questions. We must take inventory of our tongues. We must learn to control our tongue.
See, when it comes to the disciplined life, we must learn to control our tongues. Why? Because James says that it is your tongue that tells us about your religion. It is your tongue that tells us about your maturity. It is your tongue and the control of your tongue that tells us about how good of a Christian you really are. So we should learn to control our tongues. We should be cautious with our tongues. We should be consistent with our tongues. And we can do that by answering these questions. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Do I need to say this? If I’m going to say it, what’s the nicest and kindest way of doing it? And am I speaking the truth? Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? We must learn to control our tongues.
Let’s pray.