Anger Management | Part 4 | How To Deal With the Anger of Others
Alright we’re there in Romans chapter number 12. I’d like you to keep your place right there in romans 12. That’s going to be our text for this morning. But if you would go with me just very quickly to the book of Proverbs. Proverbs chapter 22.
Today we are concluding this series on Ange Management. We’ve been learning what the Bible teaches about anger and how to deal with our anger, how to control our anger. And this is something that we all have to deal with. Anger affects all of us. Some people more than others but it’s something that we all need to learn about. And of course this morning we are finishing up this series. This is the fourth week in this series. And if you’re here this morning and you are new or you’re visiting with us, I would encourage you to go back and listen to those previous sermons. Some of you have been here for all of the sermons and you probably need to go back and listen to them again. But I would definitely encourage you to listen to them if you haven’t been here for these.
Of course on the first week I preached a sermon called a theology of anger. And we looked at just a biblical overview of anger. What the Bible teaches about anger and what anger is and why it’s so destructive to our relationships. There is nothing that will kill the relationships around you sooner than your uncontrolled anger. And we learned about that. And then the second week we talked about why we get so angry and we learned that we all are have a little bit of a temper tantrum child inside of us that gets angry when we don’t get what we want. And we learned about that. And of course James chapter four really dissected that for us. Last week we talked about how to deal with our own anger and how to deal with the anger that is inside of us. This week we’re going to finish up with learning about how to deal with the anger of others.
I would say the biggest part of the battle with anger is just dealing with your own anger, controlling your own anger. But sometimes we have to deal with the anger of others. Sometimes there are angry people around us, angry people in our lives and we have to deal with those angers. Just by way of introduction, let me say this. The best thing to do with an angry person is to avoid them all together. The Bible teaches that we don’t want to be around angry people.
Proverbs 22:24 “24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:”. The Bible says you don’t want to be a companion of someone who just has uncontrolled anger. You don’t want to journey with people that are just constantly angry. Make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou shalt not go. Here’s why. “25 Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”. The Bible teaches this concept from this verse and other places that when you spend time with people, you will become like those people. And God says hey, you don’t want to be around angry people because you’ll end up being an angry person. The best thing to do with an angry person is to avoid them all together. However, life sometimes does not make avoiding angry people something that’s possible. So if you do have to deal with angry people, I want you to be prepared for how to handle it. If the angry person is your spouse, your parent, your boss, your in-laws or whatever situation, it might not be possible to avoid that angry person. When possible, the best thing to do is to avoid angry people altogether but sometimes life and the relationships of life do not allow us to avoid angry people
So what I’d like to do this morning is I want to give you four steps in regards to dealing with the anger of others. Now you you’re there in Proverbs 22. Go to Romans 12. In Romans 12, the Apostle Paul gives us four steps to help us deal with the anger of others. I want to give you these steps. We’ll move through them as quickly as we can. I’d encourage you to write these down. Last week I gave you three steps for dealing with your own anger. This week I’m going to give you four steps for dealing with the anger of others. And honestly, you need to put these notes somewhere where you can see them on a regular basis. Some of you need to frame these in your house.
Notice Romans 12:17 “17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.”. Recompense means to repay or make restitution. The Apostle Paul is giving us these steps of how to deal with the anger of others, how to not allow others to make us angry or get a reaction out of us. The first step is not to recompense evil for evil. The Apostle Paul says that we should not recompense, we should not repay, we should not make restitution. When people are evil towards us, when they try to hurt us, when they’re rude to us, when they’re mean to us, when they call us names, when they do mean things to us. As a Christian, we should choose not to recompense evil for evil.
You say, “Why is that important?”. Here’s why. Because when both sides recompense evil for evil, the conflict will never end. I mean if every time somebody’s rude to you, you’re rude back and they do the same then it will never end. If every time that somebody does evil to you, you recompense evil for evil then you’re going to find yourself in constant conflict and anger. And by the way, this is why the Bible talks about people being angry people. A furious man, an angry man. These are people who don’t just get angry but are angry people. Part of the reason they are always angry is because they’re in this constant cycle of “I’m not going to let them talk to me like that. I’m not going to let them treat me that way. I’m not going to let them make me feel that way. Every time somebody does evil to me, I’m going to respond with evil.”. And Paul says look, if you want to respond biblically and properly to the anger of others, step one is choose to not recompense evil for evil.
Maybe you’ve heard the phrase before “tit for tat”. The phrase means the infliction of an injury or insult in return for one that has been suffered. This is how some people live their lives. Unfortunately tit for tat is the description of some of your marriages. The way you live your life is just “They cursed me so I will curse them. They threw this so I will throw that.”. The Bible says look, when you live your life that way, you will live in constant conflict. Proverbs 24:29 “29 Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me:…”. Now isn’t that what the world teaches u? The world teaches you to treat people the way they treat you and if people are mean to you then you be mean back. If people are rude to you then you be rude back. If people are jerks to you then you be a jerk back. But that’s not what the Bible says. Look, you have not so learned Christ. Christ says treat people the way you’d like to be treated. “say not I will do so to him as he hath done to me.”. I will render to the man according to his work. That is a very foolish way to live your life to live your life in such a way that says well I’ll just due to people what they’ve done to me. Aren’t you thankful Christ didn’t live like that?
Proverbs 20:22 “22 Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.”. The first step on dealing with an angry husband or angry wife or another angry person which you can’t avoid is don’t recompense evil for evil. When you deal with people that have out of control anger, don’t recompense evil for evil. Not recompensing evil for evil is very difficult. It’s easy to preach but it’s a little harder to practice. The reason that it’s so difficult is because it’s not what our flesh wants. What our flesh wants is when someone hits us to hit them back. Not recompensing evil for evil is very difficult because it’s not what you want. But when we talk about anger and conflict and if both sides decide to recompense evil for evil then this will never end.
Go to Matthew 5. This is probably the most famous sermon in the entire Bible. Many sermons were given in the Bible. This one was given by our lord Jesus Christ. And this was a sermon in which he taught us to live the Christian life. This is not teaching you how to be saved. This is not teaching you how to become a Christian. This is teaching us how to live as a Christian, how to live as a follower of Christ. Matthew 5:38 “38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:”. Now let me just take a moment and help you understand that Jesus is not speaking ill of this law of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Because this is actually taken out of the Old Testament. This is one of the laws that Moses gave. And the reason that Jesus is bringing this up is because this is something that actually Government is supposed to do. Government has been instituted by God. One of the purposes is to bring judgment. And when someone harms somebody else, when somebody violently takes somebody’s eye, then there should be justice.
And Jesus says “38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:”. And again, within Governmental law, this is very appropriate. Within the laws of a land and the laws of the Government, it’s appropriate that just punishment be given for an offense. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is very proper and appropriate for a Government to do. In fact, I wish we lived in a Government where people would do this, where the Government would actually carry out justice. More effective than throwing somebody in a prison cell is doing what the Bible says. There are no prisons in the Bible but there is the law of an eye for an eye. You would think that a guy would think twice about injuring somebody to the point where they were disfigured or where they were harmed in a physical way. You would think they would give that a second thought if they realize that the punishment is not going to be a bed with 3 meals a day. If the punishment, was you get beaten in the same way, then it would help prevent crime.
It would probably help cut down on the DUI’s if every time the drunkard got in a car and maimed somebody then they would get maimed in the same way. You say “I don’t think you should preach like that.”. Hey, this is the Bible. Excuse me for introducing you to the word of God. This is actual justice. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is very appropriate within a Government system. But please understand this, it’s not appropriate within your marriage, it’s not an appropriate way to raise your children, it’s not an appropriate way to deal with your co-workers.
Jesus said “38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”. Jesus is saying there’s nothing wrong with a Government giving out justice and giving out the justice of “an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth”. But he lets them know that is talking to them personally. We are not the Government. We have not been given that authority. And he says when you decide within your personal relationship that you’re going to live a life that says an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth you will destroy yourself. He says “resist not evil”. What does that mean? It means that you are not resisting yourself from performing evil or retaliating when you take it upon yourself to recompense evil. The Government should give an eye for an eye on a tooth for a truth. But the Bible says that we should resist evil. It’s not our place. It’s not our authority.
Notice what he says “but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”. The word smite means to strike or smack or slap. Slapping somebody is probably the rudest thing you could do. And please let me help some of you parents out. Don’t ever slap your children in the face. Please don’t do that. We believe in corporal punishment and we believe the Bible teaches that you ought to spank your children but when you spank your children, it ought to be done in an appropriate way. God put a section in the body of a child on their back side with a little extra cushion, with a little extra nerve endings. That is where you can appropriately give a spanking. Don’t slap your children in the face. That’s not appropriate. You should never slap anybody in the face. But Jesus gives this example. I think this is the rudest thing somebody could ever do to someone and he says “but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”.
If we live a life where we treat people the same way they treat us and recompense evil for evil and smack them back, there will be no end to it. Because if they do the same as you then it will just go back and forth and get worse and worse. There’ll be no end. At some point, someone’s got to take the hit. At some point, someone’s got to be mature enough to have the attitude to turn the other cheek. Matthew 5:40 “40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.”. See, oftentimes the only way to end a conflict is for someone to take the wrong, for someone to be wronged and to say “That’s okay. I’m not going to recompense evil for evil.”.
Some of you think that this isn’t fair. Well number 1, we’re only on step 1. We have four steps. But let me also say this, life’s not fair. We tend to only care about things not being fair when they’re not fair on our end. It’s funny how we only care about justice when we’re the ones that are wronged. However, when we’ve wronged, when we’ve been rude, when we’ve been mean, when we’re the ones cussing, when we’re the ones throwing things, when we’re the ones slapping people and we’re the ones being rude then all of a sudden, it’s mercy and grace. We want people to show mercy and the love of God to us but when somebody does that to you it’s like “Recompense evil for evil. An eye for an eye”. At some point, when it comes to conflict, when it comes to fighting, someone’s got to be mature enough to take the hit. Someone’s got to be mature enough to say “I know they were rude to me but I’m not going to be rude back. I know they were mean to me but I’m not going to be mean back. I know that they were subtly taking a jab at me but I’m not going to subtly take a jab back.”.
1st Corinthians 6:1 “Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?”. Here the Apostle Paul is talking about the fact that there are Christians who are fighting with each other, having a matter against another. He’s talking to the Church of Corinth. These are believers. Look at verse six. 1st Corinthians 6:6 “6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.”. He’s talking about the fact that Christians are suing each other and taking each other to court. And by the way, the Bible teaches that we as Christians should never sue each other.” 6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.”.
Notice verse 7 “7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?”. Some of you are wondering how we deal with the situation if one did wrong and we can’t sue each other. Well number one, God gave us a way to deal with an offended brother and it’s called Matthew 18. It means you go to them privately and you try to deal with the situation and if they won’t hear you then you bring a witness that the words may be established. And the way that whole thing ends is if nobody wants to get right and everybody’s just trying to avoid the situation that it ends before the church. You bring it before the Church. The Bible says God actually gave us a way to deal with conflict.
But you know what’s even better and is also biblical is allow yourself to take wrong. Allow yourself to be defrauded. The word “suffer” means “allow”. We should allow ourselves to be defrauded. Allow people to rip you off. The Apostle Paul said “why do you not rather suffer yourself to be defrauded”. By the way, let me say this, you will never be more like Christ than when you allow yourself to be defrauded. Jesus allowed himself to be defrauded. He allowed himself to be lied about. He allowed himself to be done wrong in so many ways. Why? For you and for me. And here’s all I’m saying. Oftentimes the only way to end the conflict is for someone to take the hit. It’s for somebody to turn the other cheek. It’s for somebody to take the loss and let them have your cloak also. For someone to take the wrong. It’s for someone to suffer yourself to be defrauded.
And when we’re talking about dealing with anger, we’re talking about when dealing with the anger of others. Step number one is to just decide in your mind and in your heart that you will not recompense evil for evil. You won’t treat people the way they treat you but you will follow the example of Jesus.
Step 1 – Recompense no man evil for evil. Step 2 – Live peaceably with all men. Notice verse 18 “18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”. Now let me just say this, in Psalm 120:7 the Bible says “7 I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”. It wasn’t because David was rude. It’s just some things we can’t compromise on. There are some things that we believe from the Bible or we should believe as Bible believing Christians. We’re not going to compromise on it. And when we communicate those thoughts, when we teach those things, when we preach those things, it’s like “7 I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”. There’s just not the possibility of peace. We understand that. Sometimes peace is not possible. However, when possible, we should always strive for peace.
Look down at Romans 12:18 “18 If it be possible,”. Notice this phrase “as much as lieth in you,”. What does that mean? It means as much as you can, as much as you can strive for, as much as you can exert energy towards, if it be possible, as much as life in you, live peaceably with all men. As Bible-believing Christians, we should always be the ones trying to pacify a conflict and not instigate it. If you remember in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”. Go to romans chapter 14. As Bible believing Christians, we should be the ones trying to pacify conflict. We should be the ones trying to bring peace, not the ones trying to incite it or instigate it.
Romans 14:19 “19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace,”. Let me explain something to you. Peace in your home, peace in a church, peace in any sort of organization doesn’t just happen. See, people have this idea and usually it’s angry people who have this idea. They think “If everyone just quit upsetting me then we would have peace.”. They look at couples that don’t fight and assume that they must not irritate each other. Or parents with their teenagers who love each other and enjoy spending time together and they think that the parents must be cool or something. Look, whenever you find a marriage, whenever you find a husband and a wife that that have peace in their home, that didn’t just happen. They’ve worked at that. They’ve made choices. They’ve grown. They’ve read their Bibles. They’ve prayed. They’ve been mature.
They’ve matured in the Christian life.
Don’t get this idea saying “Well my husband and I fight because he’s an idiot or she’s an idiot and if they stop being an idiot then we’ll have peace just like that.”. No you won’t. Notice this “19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace,”. When people have peace in their lives and in their homes, it is because they chose to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Like we talked about last week, they chose to recompense to no man evil for evil, they chose to do the things that bring peace. And by the way, the reverse is true. When your life is full of chaos and conflict and anger and wrath and cussing and yelling and throwing things and hitting each other, it’s because you chose to do that. It’s because you chose to live that life.
In your own mind, the last argument or fight you had, the last time you engaged in anger with someone, were you the one trying to calm things down or were you the one trying to rile things up? Were you the one trying to calm things down, trying to get everyone to settle, trying to get yourself to settle, trying to not allow things to blow up? Or were you the one just constantly taking the jabs, bringing it up constantly.
Proverbs 16:14 “14 The wrath of a king is as messengers of death: but a wise man will pacify it.
“. Do you know what wise people do? They live peaceably with all men. “18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”. See, sometimes peace is not possible but when peace is possible, we should strive for peace and we should always be the ones who are trying to pacify a conflict. You say well how do we do that? If you remember from last week, “slow to speak”. Look, sometimes we need to just shut our mouths and just be done with it. Proverbs 16:14 “14 The wrath of a king is as messengers of death: but a wise man will pacify it.”.
We’re talking about four steps to deal with the anger of others. If they are raging at you and angry at you all the time whether a relative, boss, in-laws then what do you do? Number 1, recompense no man evil for evil. Decide that you’re not going to live this life of tit for tat. And look, if you are a child and that is your parents then I am sorry that you have to deal with that anger from your parents. It may be that you are the mature one in your house spiritually. But if that is the situation you are in then you might just need to read the Bible and pray and mature and make sure that you don’t recompense evil for evil. If you remember from last week, exhibit some empathy. And at least they’ve got you in a church where you can hear these sermons. At least they’ve gone to the church where you can learn these things. But look, sometimes somebody has to just decide to be the mature one and take the hit and make sure not to recompense evil for evil.
As much as is possible, live peaceably with all men.
And by the way, this is why Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers”. And by the way, don’t miss this. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”. The greatest testimony you could ever have as a Christian is that you’re not the one who irritates and riles things up but you’re the one who’s trying to pacify and make peace.
Step number 1, “recompense to no man evil for evil”. Number 2 “live peaceably with all men”. Number three, avenge not yourselves. Avenge not yourselves. Romans 12:19 “19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath:…”. Because look, when people are mean to us, when people are angry with us, we want to be mean towards them. When they’re angry at us, we want to be angry at them. When they’re wrathful towards us, we want to be wrathful towards them. But the Bible says that we need to give place unto wrath. We need to put wrath in a proper place. We need to get rid of it. “19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”. Why don’t we avenge ourselves? Because it’s not your place to avenge yourself. God said “vengeance is mine”. Why don’t I want to seek revenge? Because it’s not your place to seek revenge. It is not our place to avenge ourselves or to carry out revenge. And here’s the interesting thing, when you understand that vengeance belongs to God, you don’t have to recompense evil for evil. You can put it in God’s hands. Because here’s the interesting thing, when we take vengeance into our own hands, we go from being innocent to guilty.
In 1st Samuel 24, King Saul is hunting after David. David was loyal, a great servant, didn’t deserve what was happening to him. However, he didn’t avenge himself. 1st Samuel 24:12-15 “12 The Lord judge between me and thee,”. Let me explain something to you. This is a really good place to be as a Christian when with a conscience clear of offense you can look at those that have hurt you and say “The Lord judge between me and thee.”. We as people want God to judge when we have been wrong but we no longer want God to judge when we’ve taken vengeance into our own hands after doing something stupid, after responding in a bad way. But David said “judge between me and thee,”.
How could David say this? Well, he could have killed Saul but he chose not to recompense evil for evil. He says in verse 15 “15 The Lord therefore be judge, and judge between me and thee, and see, and plead my cause, and deliver me out of thine hand.”. See, here’s the truth. When we avenge ourselves, when we take matters into our own hands, we go from innocent to guilty. Look, isn’t this true with your kids? Your kids are sitting there playing and another kid walks up and he wants what they want. Because that’s the only reason any of us ever fight. And one of them punches the other one. Well the one that got punched is the innocent party. What they should do is go to their parents who are the representation of God in their lives and the parents should bring judgment and justice and vengeance upon the offending child. But what usually happens is that one kid gets hit and they do the same thing to the other kid.
We as adults tend to do the same thing. People are rude to us and we are rude back. By doing that, we go from innocent to guilty. In our house what happens is that they both get a spanking because one shouldn’t have hit the other one but the other one shouldn’t have hit back. This is why your life is such a mess. God wants to avenge you. God wants to revenge you. God wants to bring you justice. God wants your life to be like Joseph where he was lied about, where he was sold into slavery, where they lied and put him in prison. And Job and Joseph responded in a way that he says I’m not going to recompense evil for evil. And God was able to promote him and God was able to avenge him. And even when Joseph had the power to bring wrath upon his brothers, he said “Am I in the place of God.”. God wants you to be like Job where everything’s taken from you and all the wrongs are not your fault and then he can bless your soul. God says here’s an opportunity for my child to give out the testimony, the light of Jesus Christ. And then we hit back at that person and God’s like “Maybe next time”.
Look here’s all I’m saying when we avenge ourselves, we take on authority that doesn’t belong to us. It is not our place to avenge ourselves or carry out revenge. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. I will repay. And when we avenge ourselves, we go from innocent to guilty. David is in a very good place when he can say “the Lord judge between me and thee and the Lord avenge me of this”.
So how do you deal with the anger of others? You decide to recompense to no man evil for evil. You choose to live peaceably with all men. You avenge not yourselves. Step number 4. “Overcome evil with good.”. We tend to want to overcome evil with evil. That’s why he says recompense to no man evil for evil. We want to overcome hurt with hurt. The problem with overcoming hurt with hurt is that now we hurt them so now they hurt us. Well now they hurt us again so we’re going to hurt them again and we’re just going to keep doing this. So we end up divorced. We’re just going to keep doing this so we end up not having a relationship with our adult children. We’re going to keep doing this till we end up just having everybody in
Church hates us. We’re going to keep doing this until we get fired. We recompense evil for evil and when we recompense evil for evil there is no end in sight.
Paul says “17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.”. By the way, this is your personal enemy and not God’s enemy. Not all of your enemies are God’s enemies.
This is real Christianity. I’m not talking about salvation. Salvation is believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved. Salvation is my sins have been forgiven. My sins have been taken off me and placed on the Lord Jesus Christ. His righteousness has been placed on me. That’s salvation. You’ve got to believe on Christ. You just have to trust him and call upon him for salvation and he’ll save you. But you know what? Christianity is discipleship. Being a disciple of Christ. Being a follower of Christ. It’s learning to love those who have hurt you. And by the way, you’ll never be more like Christ when you love those who hurt you. We sinned against Christ, Christ died for all of our sins, they put him on the cross and yet he loves us.
Notice what he says in Matthew 5:43. Matthew 5:43 “43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”. This is where Paul gets the feeding your enemy thing. Maybe this is a better approach then cursing at your spouse the next time you fight. Why not pray for them? You say, they’re using me and taking advantage of me. The Bible says that we should pray for them.
Have you ever heard the phrase of killing them with kindness? Notice what it says in Proverbs 21:14. “14 A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath.”. I remember hearing a story from Pastor Anderson. He said he worked when he lived here in Sacramento, he worked for a fire alarm company and there was an employee there who didn’t like him. The guy was always a jerk and had a short temper and always yelling and he got away with it because he was Seniority in the company and was needed. One time something went wrong with the job and he yelled at Pastor Anderson and said the rudest things that you could. Later on during a work break, he went over to buy sodas from the pop machine and he decided to get one for this guy also. He said the guy took it and was really surprised. For the rest of the day and ever since then he was just the nicest to him. He helped him. He yelled at everyone else but not him. This is what Proverbs 21 is talking about.
Romans 12:20 says “20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.”. What does that phrase mean? It means to make a special effort to induce feelings of guilt or remorse in another person. See, when somebody yells at you for something you had nothing to do with and then you come back and are kind to them, you make them feel stupid and remorseful. And by the way, I’m preaching on dealing with the anger of others. but let me just talk for a second to those of you who have the anger problems. Dad, when you’re yelling at your wife and your wife is mature and has decided to recompense to no man evil for evil and to not respond in an angry way, you are destroying your testimony in front of your children when you act wrong.
The Bible says “21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”. Look, if people are angry towards us and mean towards us and rude towards us and hurt us and say mean things and call us names, we should overcome evil with good. When we love those who hurt us, we show that we are the bigger and more mature person. And when we show people that we’re going to love them though they hurt us, we can overcome evil with good.
Ephesians 4:32 “32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”. Being kind is when you bless them that curse you. It’s kind when you love your enemies. Tenderhearted means forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. You say why should I forgive them? The Bible says that Christ forgave us. Have you ever read the Lord’s prayer? He talks about forgiving our debtors as we forgive those that are indebted to us. In the Bible God always gives the reason for forgiveness. He never says “Well forgive them if they do this or that or they say they are sorry.”. We understand all those things and those things are true but God never ties forgiveness to that. If that were true then Jesus sinned when he said Father forgive them for they know not what they do on the cross. None of those people were repentant. None of those people were taking responsibility for their actions. None of those people were doing anything to get forgiveness. Forgiveness is something we do not for the other person but for ourselves. Because when we don’t forgive, all we do is we grow bitter and angry.
Someone said bitterness is like drinking a cup of poison and hoping the other person falls over dead. It only hurts you. It only makes you unhappy. It only makes you bitter. It only makes you someone that you don’t want to be around with. It says “even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”. And here’s the truth. And if you were honest with yourselves and I was honest with myself then we would say that after all that God has forgiven us for, then we can choose to forgive others and live peaceably with them. Like David put the vengeance into the hands of God, we need to do the same. Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
We spent four weeks looking at the subject of anger. Proverbs 15:1 is my favorite verse on anger. There’s a reason why I put it as the last verse in the last sermon of this four-week series. Because if you don’t remember anything, I want you to remember this. This is written on the wall of our school room in our house. This is something that I think we should all memorize and we should all know and we should all remember. Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”. In the midst of conflict, I hope this is what you’ve learned. In the midst of conflict with other people, you can only control yourself. You can only control your response. Unfortunately you can’t control the response of others but you can control yourself. Don’t tell me that you completely lose the ability to control yourself. You are able to pick up the phone and be kind right after cursing at your family. You can only control your own response but your response can influence the response of others. That’s why the Bible says a soft answer turneth away wrath.
We’ve set up a ministry in our church and we have some guys helping us with it. Safety and keeping things secure during the church services. And one of the things that we’ve done with the safety team is we put them through this 10-hour course on providing church security and all those things. And I took the course myself even though I’m not on the safety team. I feel like as a leader I should know these things also. So I took the course myself. And one of the things that they taught in that course is that in the context of a safety church team, when somebody is hostile and they are trying to cause a scene or commotion, the best thing that the person dealing with them could do is “The louder they get, the calmer they should be in response.”. Don’t raise your voice. Because when you raise your voice, they will raise their voice even more. It will get worse and worse. We should speak in a calm fashion. Here’s what they were saying. “A soft answer turneth away wrath:…”. Or you can live your life this way “but grievous words stir up anger”. You can only control yourself. You can only control your own response. But your response can influence the response of others. So here’s a question. Is your response in conflict to turn away the wrath or to stir it up?
Let’s pray.