Anger Management | Part 1 | A Theology of Anger
We’re there in Ephesians chapter number 4. I’d like you to look down at verse number 26. Ephesians 4:26 “26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”. Look down at verse 31 “31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:”. And of course, this morning we’re beginning a brand-new series entitled “Anger Management”. And we’re going to learn from the Bible over the next several weeks how to manage our anger and how to deal with our anger and how to deal with the anger of others. This sermon series is a highly applicable series because anger is something we all struggle with. Anger is something that everybody deals with and anger is something that can very quickly get out of control. In fact, my wife recently shared this article with me. I’m going to read it to you. Just a short version of it if that’s okay. Some of you may have heard of this in the news but the article begins like this.
“Never get between a man and his wings. An infuriated customer caused a flap at a chicken wing chain in California after the restaurant was too slow to remake his order and then refused him a refund. According to video and other startled customers, the fiery footage from inside a wing stop in antelope shows an enraged man ripping away a cash register and slamming it to the floor. He then picks up the equipment and tosses it through the restaurant’s window. The clip shows another man inside the store. He also witnessed the foul play when going back to the wing stop to pick up some ranch dressing for his order. They had mixed up his order on a few occasions and demanded a refund. When they said they could not give a refund, he slams the register into the floor and then tossing it through the restaurant’s front window. No injuries were reported during the incident. A wing stop manager told CBS Sacramento the irate customer was upset after several wings were missing from his order. The man cost at least six thousand dollars’ worth of damage to the restaurant not including the price to fix the shattered window. The restaurant was in the process of filing a police report on the felony vandalism on Wednesday according to CBS Sacramento”.
And this is something that happened a few weeks ago. And you hear about stuff like this all the time in the news. And we can laugh and wonder why someone would get so mad about chicken wings but sadly if we were honest, we would say that we act like this in the privacy of our own homes with our spouse or neighbor or fellow church members. We’re going to learn about anger the next couple weeks and see what the Bible says about it. The Bible speaks a lot about the subject of anger and how to deal with anger. This morning what we’re going to do is we’re going to do an overview of what the Bible teaches about anger. This morning’s sermon will be really kind of an introductory sermon to lay the foundation about anger and what the Bible teaches about anger so that we can learn to deal with anger. What I’d like to do is give you 6 statements in regards to what the Bible teaches about anger.
Ephesians 4:26 “26 Be ye angry, and sin not:”. The first statement for this morning is that it is possible to be angry without sinning. We’re going to spend a lot of time talking about the negativities of anger and how anger can be a very negative thing in our lives. But let me begin by being clear the Bible teaches that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin. And in fact, one of the best proofs of that is the fact that in the Bible we see the Lord Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, who is sinless, getting angry. How is that possible? Because it is possible to be angry without winning.
Mark 3:5 “5 And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.”. In this verse, Jesus is angry at the Pharisees because the Pharisees want to stop him from healing this man. The Pharisees don’t care that this man is living this way. So, I want you to notice that we see Jesus here get angry but yet Jesus was without sin so it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin.
Go to the Book of Numbers. We see Jesus in the New Testament get angry. We saw Jesus get angry when they were selling in the temple and he drives them out of the temple in anger. This is what the Bible calls righteous indignation. It’s anger but without sin. We see God in the Old Testament angry. In fact, if you study anger and in preparation for this sermon, I actually went through and looked at every verse in the Bible that had the word anger, wrath, contentions. When you study anger in the Bible, what you’ll find is that the person who’s described as getting angry the most throughout the Bible is God himself and God is without sin. So, we know that it is possible for someone like to be angry and not sin as Ephesians 4:26 says.
I could spend the whole morning going through and giving you examples of God’s anger but I’m not going to do that. But I’d like to just show you 3 examples from the Book of Numbers. Numbers 11:1, look at what the Bible says. Numbers 11:1 “And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.”. Go down to verse 10. “10 Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: and the anger of the Lord was kindled greatly; Moses also was displeased.”. Numbers 12:9 “9 And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them; and he departed.”. So, I want you to notice that throughout the Bible we see Jesus getting angry. We see the Lord getting angry in the Old Testament. So yes, it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin and it’s not just deity. It’s possible for a human being to be angry and not sin.
Let me give you a couple examples of that. Exodus 32:19, the Bible says this “19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing:”. Moses was up there 40 days and 40 nights fellowshipping with God and getting instructions from him. While he’s up there, the people decide to make a golden calf to worship it. Other passages tell us that they got naked and danced around it. And when Moses comes down, as you can imagine, he’s not happy. Look at the words “and Moses’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.”. And I would submit to you that this was a righteous indignation. Now we will look at it later on in this series that Moses gets angry in the in the flesh later on. He gets angry when God tells him to speak to the rock and he smote the rock and as a result he’s not allowed to enter into the promised land because of his anger. So, there’s anger that is without sin and there is anger in the flesh that is with sin. And I’m just beginning with this theology on anger to explain that when we consider the theology of anger, we must first consider that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin.
Let me give you another example. 1st Samuel 11:6 “6 And the Spirit of God came upon Saul when he heard those tidings, and his anger was kindled greatly.”. I want you to notice what’s interesting about that verse is that in the same verse it says that Saul had the spirit of God come upon him and his anger was kindled greatly in the same verse. And I would submit to you this morning that it is possible to be spirit-filled and mad as hell. It’s possible to be angry and have righteous indignation. And in fact, in some things we should be angry like that. Such examples are when we think of the abortion holocaust in our country, the LGBTQ takeover of this world, sin destroying families. When we think of the sin that is destroying the families, realize that there is a place for righteous indignation. There is a place to be spirit-filled and to be angered and to have your anger kindled greatly like the Bible says here about Saul. And the first statement is this, when we consider the theology of anger, we must consider first that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin.
Here’s the 2nd statement, most people sin when they are angry. I mean isn’t that the truth? The last time that you lost your temper and just went off on whoever you went off on, you probably weren’t just defending the innocent against the wickedness of God. You were upset because they messed up your chicken wing order. You were angry for something that had nothing of eternal value or of any importance. It is true that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin. In fact, there is a time and a place to be angry in what we would refer to as righteous indignation against sin and against the hurt of the innocent. Though it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin, the truth of the matter is that practically speaking most people sin when they are angry.
James 1:19 “19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”. See, there is righteous indignation but the truth of the matter is that the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Usually when you are enraged and have out of control anger, you are not doing the things that are right and pleasing before the Lord. Because practically speaking, most people sin when they are angry. So, it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin but most people sin when they are angry.
Go to Proverbs chapter 17. Proverbs 17:14 “14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”. Statement 3, most people cannot control their anger. See, it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin but practically speaking, most people sin when they are angry and most people sin when they are angry because most people cannot control their anger. In fact, the Bible says that anger is like water. If I were to take a bottle of water and pour out the water, it would be impossible to bring it back into the bottle. See, once you pour out water, you can’t bring it back in. And the Bible says that anger is the same way. Once you allow it out and it’s out of control, you can’t let it back. See, the reason that most people sin when they are angry is because most people cannot control their anger.
In genesis 49 we have the story of Jacob dealing with his sons. His sons in anger have murdered an entire city. Genesis 49:6 “6 O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.”. Jacob is expressing the fact that once these boys allowed their anger to come out, he said there was no stopping them. When their anger came, their anger was fierce. When the wrath came out, it was cruel. See, it is possible to be angry and not sin however most people sin when they are angry. Most people sin when they are angry because most people cannot control their anger. In fact, that’s what this series is all about. It’s called anger management. Because we’re going to learn to manage our anger. And really, it’s not about managing your anger because you don’t have control over the fact that you get angry. But you do have control over how you allow that anger to come out. It’s not about controlling your anger. It’s about controlling yourself within your anger.
The 4th statement is that people who cannot control their angry become angry people. This means they do not get angry. They are angry. I want you to listen to me very carefully dad, husband, wife, mother. We like to use these little phrases to try to explain away and excuse our behavior.
We like to say things like “I’m just short tempered. I’m just hot-blooded. I just have a short fuse.”. We like to use these phrases. But the truth of the matter is that when people do not learn to control their anger, after some time of not controlling their anger, repetition creates habits. They no longer become angry but they are angry. It’s no longer a person who got angry but a person who is an angry person. This is what the Bible teaches. Let me highlight it for you.
Proverbs 15:18 “18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”. The Bible is indicating that an angry person stirs up a fight. If everywhere you go, you’re in fights with your spouse, with your kids, with your neighbor, with your coworker, with your Pastor, with your church members, etc…..If you’re fighting with everybody then maybe you’re the problem. There’s one common denominator here and it’s you. See, a wrathful man stirreth up strife according to the Bible. The Bible says that angry people are not angry because they get in a fight. No, they get in a fight because they are angry. I mean let’s just be honest with ourselves. Some of us are just a fight waiting to happen. We’re just a temper tantrum waiting for a place to happen. We’re just a fit waiting to explode. See, the guy wasn’t really that upset about a few chicken wings. He was just an angry person. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”.
Look at Proverbs 16:28 “28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”. A froward man means difficult to deal with. Have you ever worked with somebody like that? Everything is a problem. Everything’s negative. Nothing’s good. Everything’s an issue. Everything’s difficult. Everything’s hard. See, the truth of the matter is anger is not caused by something outside of you. Anger is caused by something within. Quit blaming the circumstances. “Well, if they just got my order right.”. Here’s the problem with that. There’s always a reason to be angry. When you’re a fight waiting to happen, there’s always a reason to fight. When you’re a blow up just looking for a place to blow up, there’s always something that will occur.
It’s pretty easy to find a mistake in a 9-year-old or 14-year-old. It’s pretty easy to find a mistake in your wife or husband or fellow church member. If you’re looking for a reason to fight, it’s very easy to find one. See, angry people who don’t control their anger become angry people. This means they don’t get angry but they are angry. They don’t get frustrated but they are frustrated. Proverbs 26:21 “21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.”. See, you’re adding coals to a fire that is already burning. You’re adding wood to a fire already burning. And a contentious man is the same way. He is already on fire and the wood or coals are added to it.
Proverbs 29:22 “22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.”. See, anger is not caused by something outside of you. It is caused by something inside of you. When we consider the theology of anger, we must consider that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin. When we consider the fact that it’s possible for someone to be angry or not sin, we must also consider the fact that practically speaking most people sin when they are angry. Most people sin when they are angry because most people cannot control their anger. It’s like letting water out. Once it’s out, it’s out of control. People who cannot control their anger become angry people which means that they do not get angry but they are angry.
You say, “Ok Pastor. You’ve described my life but what is wrong with that?”. Here’s statement number five. The problem with being an angry person is that uncontrolled anger is destructive. Whenever anything is uncontrolled in our life, we’re in the flesh. Usually when we are angry, we’re just an adult throwing a fit. When the cash register is going through the window, that’s in the flesh. The problem with being an angry person is that uncontrolled anger is destructive.
Proverbs 27:4 “4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?”. Cruel means just as mean as possible, just as hurtful as possible. Let me tell you something dad, when your uncontrolled temper is destroying you, when you’re a fit waiting to happen, when you say things to the people that you supposedly love the most on this earth, when you say things to your wife, when you say things to your husband, when you say things to your children in that wrath that are just so cruel and so hurtful, that is anger. The angry is outrageous or unreasonable or uncalled for. See, anger is destructive.
Turn to Matthew 5. In Matthew 5, we have one of those famous sermons in the Bible called the sermon on the mount. And Jesus is dealing with various sins. He talks about lusting in your heart is adultery. He is saying that it’s not enough to just not commit adultery but you can’t even lust in your heart. After all, adultery begins with lusting in the heart first. It’s not just about the physical action. It’s about the heart of the matter. Then in Matthew 5:21, he says “21 Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”. You say what does anger have to do with murder? Well, here’s the thing. All murder is a result of uncontrolled anger. And here’s the interesting thing. That anger may not murder your family member or your friends physically but it can murder that relationship. He says “22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause…”. He’s referring to a legitimate cause. Not some dumb reason as an excuse for your actions. “22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”. The word “Raca” means the same thing as fool. And here’s what I’m trying to say. Uncontrolled anger is destructive. It will destroy.
I said number one this morning, when we consider the theology of anger, we must first consider that it is possible for someone to be angry and sin not. Number 2, practically speaking, most people sin when they are angry. Number 3, most people cannot control their anger. Number 4, when people can’t control their anger, they become angry people. Number 5, uncontrolled anger is destructive. Here’s number six. The problem with uncontrolled and destructive anger is that it will cost you in your life. Proverbs 19:19 “19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment:”. When you allow your uncontrolled destructive anger to just be out of control in your life, you will suffer punishment. It will cost you something. You say what will it cost? Go to Proverbs 21:19.
Proverbs 21:19 “19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”. There are 2 or 3 areas that your uncontrolled and destructive anger will cost you that I want to discuss. It will cost you in your relationships. Look, it’s easy to get upset with the people that are closest to us that we love the most. I mean just this morning, as I’m confessing my faults one to another, I was just a fit waiting to happen. Last night I told my kids that I wanted them to get their shoes in order so we didn’t have to look for them Sunday morning. And of course, we wake up Sunday morning looking for shoes. I’m just getting irritated about it. It’s like “Didn’t I say I didn’t want to be looking for a shoe.”. And I’m not up here claiming that I have this perfectly under control. I realize that we all get frustrated and upset easily sometimes. But when we allow uncontrolled anger to be destructive in our lives, it will eventually cost us in our relationships.
Now ladies, when you got married, I don’t think you were trying to commit Proverbs 21:19 as your life verse to try to achieve. I think you all wanted to try to be a virtuous woman. I don’t think you said on your honeymoon “I’m a Proverbs 21:19 woman honey and here I come”. I don’t think that was your goal. I mean is that really what you want your life to be? I mean think about that verse. “19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”. And we could flip this around and realize that men have anger problems as much or even more than women. Do you really want your spouse to avoid you because of your anger? A man of great wrath will suffer punishment. You say how will I get punished because of anger? In your relationships. Anger will cost you in your relationships.
By the way you dating couples, don’t be one of these stupid dating couples where everything is just so great. The whole point of dating is to look if there are any red flags that you want to avoid before you’re married. On this side of marriage, we’re telling couples don’t do it. Before marriage “This is the greatest person ever.”. After marriage “That’s the worst thing ever.”. If you’re dating somebody and they get angry and they yell at you and they’re mad and it just seems a little out of control, you need to go running and screaming in the other direction. You say why? Because while you’re dating, you’re seeing the best version of that person. They’re dressed the nicest. They smell the best. They’re the thinnest they’re ever going to be. You say “I’m going to marry him and he’s going to lose weight.”. Yeah right. You’re like the millionth person that fell for that one. You’re seeing the best version of them now. Look, anger destroys relationships. It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman.
Ephesians 6:4 “4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”. Colossians 3:21 “21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”. Go back to Proverbs 22. My job is to tell the truth and it’s up to you what you do in your own home. But let me tell you something, your uncontrolled anger will cost you in your relationships. Your uncontrolled anger will cost you in your relationship with your spouse, it will cost you in your relationship with your children. Now I’m not saying that children don’t need discipline because they do. The Bible teachings corporal punishments of spanking. But please understand that spanking should never be done out of control. It should never be done in anger. When you spank your children and discipline your children, it should be highly controlled.
Proverbs 22:8 “8 He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail.”. Now the Bible says that we ought to use the rod to discipline our children. But when you use the rod in anger, you will fail. That’s what the Bible says. You say “When I discipline my children, I scream at them and call them names and make them feel miserable and worthless.”. Well go ahead. One day your teenage kids will hate you. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t spank our children but that we should lovingly discipline our children. If anger is your child-rearing approach, then listen to me now. You will fail as a parent. If anger is the way you get your wife to follow, we’ll see you in divorce court. I’m not justifying it. I don’t think people should get divorced for any reason. If you married someone with an anger problem then that was your choice. But what I’m telling you is that uncontrolled and destructive anger will cost you in your life. How will it cost you? It’ll cost you in relationships. You will destroy your relationships because wrath is cruel. And when we allow our anger to just get out of control, we say things to people that will cause a scar.
Secondly, it will cost you in your reputation. Proverbs 22:24 “24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:”. In Proverbs 15:18 it calls him a wrathful man. In proverbs 16:28 it calls him a forward man. In Proverbs 22:24 it calls them an angry man. In proverbs 26:21 it calls him a contentious man. When you are angry long enough then you will be known as that angry person. What’s funny is that some of us are foolish enough to carry that as a badge of honor. But I promise you that when you’re 70 years old, when you’re 80 years old, when you’re 90 years old, you will regret the fact that your children left your home. See, uncontrolled anger is destructive and it will cost you in your life. You say how will it cost me? It’ll cost you in your relationships and in your reputations.
I don’t want to spend a lot of time on this but it’ll cost you in your riches. Ask the guy who got mad at 12 wings and grabbed a $6,000 cash register and slammed it on the floor then threw it through a window. It was anger. You buy some expensive equipment and can’t get it to work and then you throw it at the wall. That will cost you. I think the Jeweler makes more money than you realize. People take wedding rings and smash them with a sledgehammer and then they get over it and buy another ring. It’ll cost you. Look, your uncontrolled and destructive anger will cost you. It’ll cost you in your relationships. It’ll cost you in your reputation. It’ll cost you in your riches.
Here’s the 6 statements. I want to review. Then I’m going to give you some ending thoughts. I said number one, when we consider the theology of anger, we must first say that it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin. I said number two, even though it is possible for someone to be angry and not sin, practically speaking most people sin when they are angry. I said number three, most people sin when they are angry because most people cannot control their anger. It’s like water that’s let out that you can’t bring it back in. Number four, people who cannot control their anger become angry people which means they do not get angry but they are angry. Number five, the problem with being angry is that uncontrolled anger is destructive. Number six, the problem with uncontrolled and destructive anger is that it will cost you in your life, it’ll cost you in your relationships, it’ll cost you in your reputation, it’ll cost you in your riches.
Now let me explain to you where we’re going with this series. You are here on a Sunday morning as we start this brand-new series. Some of you are very angry and I understand. You say “You’re just trying to make me angry.”. Well, it didn’t take much. I’m hoping some of you will get ticked off enough that you will do something about it and make some changes in your life.
Next Sunday, April 18th, we’re going to learn about why we get so angry. The Sunday after that, April 25th, we’re going to learn about how to deal with our own anger. The fire raging inside. Sunday May 2nd we’re going to learn how to deal with other people’s anger. Fire raging in someone else. Let me just quickly explain to you why you need this series. If the 6 statements on anger were not enough, let me give you two thoughts. You say why do I need to control my anger? Why do I need this series? Proverbs 27:3 “3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both.”. Think about that verse. A stone is heavy and the sand weighty but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both. What is the proverb trying to teach us in this verse? Here’s the lesson. Your uncontrolled and destructive anger is a burden to your family and your loved ones. He says a stone is heavy and the sand weighty but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both.
Let me explain that your uncontrolled and destructive anger is a burden to your family and your loved ones. When your family has to tiptoe around you, when they have to walk on eggshells around you, when they have to just be careful because anything just sets you off, that is a burden that you’re placing upon the people. When they have to put up with you losing your temper, you flying off the handle, that’s an emotional burden. Do you want your kids to have to deal with your uncontrolled and destructive anger? It’s a burden to your loved ones and family. So why don’t we spend the next 4 weeks learning to lighten that burden.
Romans 12:19 “19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”. When it says “give place unto wrath”, it’s saying take that wrath and place it somewhere else. It’s interesting because that phrase is used in another passage that has to do with wrath and I don’t believe that anything in the Bible is incidental, coincidental, or accidental. Ephesians 4:26-27 “26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.”. Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost writes in Romans and Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost writes in Ephesians with the same terminology.
Let me tell you something. Your uncontrolled and destructive anger is not only a burden on your family and loved ones but your uncontrolled and destructive anger is allowing the Devil a foothold in your family. He says give place to wrath. Put it away. And he says “and don’t give place to the Devil”. Because when you give place to wrath, you’re giving place to the Devil. Your uncontrolled and destructive anger is allowing the Devil a foothold in your family. It is allowing the Devil a foothold to bring bitterness and rebellion within your home. You say “I’m angry.”. Well, I hope you’re angry enough to do something about it. I hope you’re angry enough to join us on this journey as we learn about why we get so angry, how to control our own anger, and how to deal with the anger of others.
Let’s pray.